


From Ashes

by ForReasonsUnknown (orphan_account)



Category: Logan (2017) - Fandom
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Calogan, Insomnia, M/M, Minor Injuries, Pre-Logan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-09 21:08:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10421790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/ForReasonsUnknown
Summary: Their world is desolate, and the only way to stay alive is to stay numb to it.





	

Most of Caliban's days are spent in solitude. Solitude interrupted only by his periodic visits to Charles, delivering the older mutant food and medication, and being met with a frosty reception for all his trouble. It doesn't bother him too much, being alone is hardly new to him, and Charles has learnt how much he can get away with. The worst part about it is the boredom, he can't just go outside when he needs some recreation, the outside world isn't especially accommodating for him. Being inside however, is not much better. The TV Logan had found - mainly to serve as an apology after wrecking one of Caliban's books - could only pick up a decent signal two hours a day, and he'd read everything he could find in the dusty old factory. Including the user guide that Logan had been given when he'd rented the car; he'd fallen asleep halfway through the third page.

The chores help, cleaning and tidying and organising keep his hands and mind busy, keep him from straying into darker places. But there's nowhere to hide at night, nothing to distract him from what his mind throws at him. Nothing to distract him from his reality; nothing to numb his pain.

The entire first month with Charles and Loagn had been spent with nightmares of waking to the sun glaring down onto his unprotected skin, watching it blister and burn in seconds and having no power to stop it. So he'd come up with a solution: not sleeping. He'd stay awake for as long as possible, often for days at a time, until he'd simply collapse onto his bed from exhaustion, body and mind too tired to torture him any further. He knew it was unhealthy and bad in every way, but it numbed the pain.

Logan had noticed this, had noticed the lazy sway in Caliban's steps on rougher days. He'd even found Caliban passed out on the floor; he'd thought that he'd been dead when he'd first seen him. This led to Logan forcing Caliban to bed immediately one night, manhandling him into his room before he could even attempt to clear up after dinner. At one stage, he'd dragged a worn out old sofa into the room only, sleeping once he was certain that Caliban was too. Those days had long past. Now, Caliban was the one nagging Logan until he would finally sleep, he was the one slipping sleeping pills into the other mutants hand; he was the one shaking Logan awake when his cries and shouts got too loud.

They don't dare talk about it. Caliban doesn't ask Logan to buy more pills when he leaves. And Logan doesn't apologise when his claws leave jagged gashes in Caliban's arms, the latter taking it with a shrug and a fake smile. But Caliban doesn't miss the guilt that floods Logan's face as he watches the other gingerly bandage up the wounds; it's even worse when the scratches are deep enough to warrant stitches. The solitude persists, and he remains numb.

Their pretence makes it easier. It makes it possible for Logan to look Caliban in the eye and take out his frustrations on him, it allows Caliban to take the brunt of Logan's emotions and remain standing. In many ways, their relationship is highly toxic, and they both know it, but never try to fix it. Because fixing it would mean facing up to the shit they've done and announcing their demons to the world; it would mean actually feeling everything that they do to one another. But in the desolate wasteland that they call home, staying numb is the only way to survive.

Their lie lasts until Logan stumbles through the door with two bottles of cheap whiskey, thrusting one into Caliban's hand while keeping the other for himself; Caliban accepts with little resistance. They drink 'till Caliban gets dizzy, and Logan has to help him down into the sofa; he's no more steady than the other mutant. Then Logan's grabbing Caliban's arm, tugging the sleeve down and staring blankly at the scarred skin, scars he had caused; scars he had caused and hadn't even had the balls to apologise for. Caliban tries and fails to dislodge Logan's grip, a frustrated sound escaping his throat.

Caliban babbles, a litany of "it's not your fault," and "it doesn't bother me," Logan seems entirely unconvinced by his words, looking up at him after a few moments with an expression equal parts angry and guilty. "M'sorry." He slurs. Caliban forgives him. And they both smile inanely at each other as their world comes crashing down around them.

_Come morning, they will rise from the ashes._


End file.
